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Key Takeaways
- Effectively influencing others stems from building trust and engaging in meaningful conversations, not exerting control or authority.
- If you want people to listen to you, you have to listen to them, too. It builds your credibility and fosters a deeper connection.
Relationships are built on connection, not control. But when you feel like you’re not being heard or don’t have the power that you want, there’s a good chance you speak louder and take up more space, or gain control by asserting authority. It’s easy to feel frustrated when you don’t feel heard, but you can’t force people to listen.
Engaging in meaningful conversations can spark interest in your ideas. Understanding the art and science of conversations fosters better relational skills, which in turn impact the influence you have over any interaction. Even if you’re not in a decision-making role, what you say and do, and especially how you speak and how you listen, can carry significant weight, affecting the people around you.
Related: Are People Actually Listening to and Understanding What You Say? Here Are 5 Signs to Watch.
The elements of influence
Becoming someone people listen to isn’t about being the loudest in the room or demanding the most. It’s about trust, strategic insight and understanding the framework within which you’re currently operating. Having a shared goal with the people around you will automatically put you in a position to impact decisions and help formulate ideas. But a lot of people try to guide decisions through commands, which often backfire.
If you’re struggling to persuade others to approach a project your way or to appreciate your perspective, you might be employing ineffective tactics. Relying on dominance or positional power to achieve results will trigger instinctive resistance. A more effective approach is to develop the skill of being a good listener, which helps gain credibility and earn trust.
Listening isn’t easy
It can be hard to listen with intent. With so many thoughts vying for brain space, pausing to pay attention is a practice that requires discipline. Your thoughts and conversation additions are essential, but they can wait. People want to be heard and can tell when someone isn’t focused on what’s being said. If you’ve ever told someone something important and received a quick nod or a slight murmur in recognition — or even a blank stare — you know what it feels like not to be heard.
Acting the same way towards others will not inspire confidence or trust. Connect with people by listening with genuine intention, responding to what they say with inquisitive and honest questions or comments, and trying to find common ground. You can even pause and repeat back what you heard to make sure you are hearing what they want you to hear. When someone feels truly heard, they will begin to listen to you and perhaps begin to see how you are thinking about things. Then they can see and possibly align with your decisions.
Related: 4 Conversational Habits Every Entrepreneur Should Learn
The steps you need to take
- Stop everything else: Put your phone down, close your laptop and push aside any work in front of you. Listening begins with your full attention.
- Save that thought: We all have things we want to say, and the fear of forgetting what you want to say can dominate your thoughts — but the truth is that when you’re heavily focused on what you want to say next, you aren’t really listening. You can pick up conversation cues from what is being said and respond accordingly. If you forget something that’s on your mind, don’t worry! It will come back to you at a later time. In the moment, your full attention is more important.
- Don’t interrupt: This can be challenging to do if you aren’t paying attention to body language and conversation cues. Wait until there’s a natural pause to add a comment or thought into the conversation.
- Let go of your agenda: Respond with thought and ask questions instead of trying to make a point. It’s easy to assume you need to lead with your agenda to earn trust, but trust comes when you slow down and focus.
- Watch for emotion: It’s impossible to speak about a topic that matters without interjecting some form of emotion. Pay attention to small changes in voice or posture when someone is speaking. People often reveal their true feelings about a topic through subconscious emotions.
When you genuinely connect with someone through listening, asking questions and bonding, trust builds naturally. Once that baseline has been established, the person you’ve connected with will automatically listen and likely follow. Relationships aren’t built on a foundation of control. They’re built on a foundation of presence and trust. If you want someone to listen to you, real conversation is the first step.
Key Takeaways
- Effectively influencing others stems from building trust and engaging in meaningful conversations, not exerting control or authority.
- If you want people to listen to you, you have to listen to them, too. It builds your credibility and fosters a deeper connection.
Relationships are built on connection, not control. But when you feel like you’re not being heard or don’t have the power that you want, there’s a good chance you speak louder and take up more space, or gain control by asserting authority. It’s easy to feel frustrated when you don’t feel heard, but you can’t force people to listen.
Engaging in meaningful conversations can spark interest in your ideas. Understanding the art and science of conversations fosters better relational skills, which in turn impact the influence you have over any interaction. Even if you’re not in a decision-making role, what you say and do, and especially how you speak and how you listen, can carry significant weight, affecting the people around you.
Related: Are People Actually Listening to and Understanding What You Say? Here Are 5 Signs to Watch.
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