For women wanting to get their partner more involved, it starts with feeling worthy of pleasure, Marin said. (Spending some time learning how you personally get off during masturbation might be a good goal, too, so you can communicate to your partner what you need.)
“For many women, this means unlearning years of societal conditioning that taught us to prioritize others over ourselves,” Marin said. “It’s about giving yourself permission to see your pleasure as valuable — not just for your partner’s ego or the relationship, but for you.”
Be specific about what you need with your partner — whether it’s more clitoral stimulation, slower pacing, or just feeling like your pleasure is a priority.
Men need to ask their partner what feels good for her, and really listen.
Use open, nonjudgmental communication to bring it up with your partner, Marin said. “You could say something like, ‘I love being intimate with you, and I’d love for us to explore ways to make it even more enjoyable for both of us. Can we talk about what feels good for each of us and how we can support each other’s pleasure?’”
Be curious and open to trying new things, like focusing on clitoral stimulation or experimenting with different techniques, she said. “Communicate during and after sex. Check in with her, not just about what feels good physically, but about how she’s feeling emotionally.”
For men, the most important step is to shift the mindset of “getting” to one of “giving and sharing,” Marin said. Ultimately, this approach will pay off for both of you and at least get you two one step closer to closing that pesky orgasm gap.
This article originally appeared on HuffPost.
