“Just being naked works just fine for many couples. And yes, someone showing up — even in sweats — and being present, engaged, and into their partner can be incredibly sexy,” she told HuffPost.
If anything is a sexual buzzkill right now, it’s the stress of trying to make a living wage while maintaining your sanity in these chaotic, capital-letter Unprecedented Times.
Working and just getting by can easily lead to compounded stress and anxiety, which can do a number on your libido.
“Wearing lingerie is a leisure activity, and as a sex therapist, I can attest that for most people today ― especially parents ― leisure is in very short supply,” said Stephen Snyder, a sex therapist in New York City and the author of Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship.
The real barriers to intimacy and reproduction today are economic pressure, chronic stress, exhaustion from caregiving, and disconnection in relationships, Nelson said.
She added that the framework of the social media post ― blaming women for this narrative of “not turning on their man” ― reinforces the outdated idea that women are responsible for maintaining male desire and that their appearance alone should be responsible for sexual behavior.
“The idea that not wearing lingerie is somehow impacting birth rates is not only reductive, it’s sexist and frankly absurd,” she said.
Tasking women with the sexual responsibility to look sexy when they go to bed ― when they’re also usually the ones doing most of the emotional labor at home, plus actual labor at work ― is ridiculous to Nelson.
“Passion is co-created,” she said. “Real intimacy comes from mutual effort, vulnerability, and trust — not lingerie.”
This article originally appeared on HuffPost.
