Sufjan Stevens Admits He’s ‘Kind of Embarrassed’ of ‘Carrie & Lowell’

Ten years on from the release of his acclaimed seventh album, Carrie & Lowell, Sufjan Stevens has offered a surprising re-evaluation of the record.

Originally released in March 2015, Carrie & Lowell was Stevens’ first studio album since 2010’s The Age of Adz, and would ultimately peak at No. 10 on the Billboard 200, while topping the Independent and Folk Albums charts, and hitting No. 2 on the Top Alternative and Rock Albums.

Despite the highs of its success, the record was steeped in sadness and misery, with much of its musical and lyrical content being inspired by the 2012 passing of his estranged mother Carrie, and the relationship with his stepfather, Lowell Brams.

As part of the record’s anniversary reissue, Stevens has collected a batch of demos to accompany its release, pairing it all with an in-depth essay that sees him ruminating on the album’s recording process and his thoughts behind it all.

Speaking to NPR ahead of the reissue’s arrival this week, Stevens used the opportunity to share a harsh reassessment of the original album, going so far as to label it “evidence of creative and artistic failure from my vantage point.”

“I was trying to make sense of something that is senseless,” he explained. “I felt that I was being manipulative and self-centered and solipsistic and self-loathing, and that the approach that I had taken to my work, which is to kind of create beauty from chaos, was failing me. It was very frustrating. And for the first time I realized that not everything can be sublimated into art, that some things just remain unsolvable, or insoluble. I think I was really just frustrated by even trying to make sense of the experience of grief through the songs.”

Describing the recording process as “painful, humiliating, and an utter miscarriage of bad intentions” in his essay, Stevens doubles down on his stance, focusing on his mother’s inability to add her own voice into the record’s somewhat voyeuristic narrative.

“I’m kind of embarrassed by this album, to be honest with you,” he explains. “Because I sort of feel like I don’t have any authority over my mother and her life or experience or her death. All I have is speculation and my imagination and my own misery, and in trying to make sense of it all, I kind of felt like it didn’t really resolve anything.”

Continuing his retrospective look back at the record, Stevens is also asked whether he regrets having made the record. “Yeah, I do. I feel bad,” he explains. “It’s just a bummer that my mother’s not alive and can’t speak for herself. What would she say about all this? Maybe she would be proud. I’ll never know.”

The forthcoming anniversary edition of Carrie & Lowell also includes a demo version of the track “Mystery of Love,” of which a studio version would later appear on the soundtrack to Luca Guadagnino’s 2017 film Call Me by Your Name, ultimately scoring a nomination for best original song at the 2018 Academy Awards, and best song written for visual media at the 2019 Grammys.